Currently Listening Odditorium or Warlords of Mars By The Dandy Warhols see related

On a High and eating seriously heavily tainted vodka jelly-

*Warning- the following hints at self-worth*

Oh my what a world we live in. In the pressures of conformity and the need for $$ the dirty here had to seek work. It was a sad and tragic day indeed. Now 3 years later i still have'nt really grown up. It was only a little over a month ago in fact that I got so notoriously drunk in a weekday with mates that I slept through turning up to work, and as i had the key, work opening. Luckily friends i knew walked past and noticed the building was closed up! I turned up an hour late reeking of scotch, eyes bloodshot and breath like king-kongs anus. I spun some yarn about my toothache with the skill of a "home and away" extra, and even earned a hug from one of my superioirs as she felt so sorry for me. For shame.

Fast forward and it seems that I am being pushed into upper upper management with national exposure. I was told today that I always give "100%" and I shouldnt be so supprised.

I have learned 2 things from this:-

1. Get notoriously drunk at any given opportunity

2. I just sneezed 12 times and didnt orgasm (myth-busted!!)

Now to touch my monkeys,

Dirty

Currently Reading Lone Wolf and Cub 4: The Bell Warden By Kazuo Koike, Goseki Kojima, Dana Lewis see related

After hearing a terrible rap song called "Secret Fantasies" by Tim Dogg (probably dead with AIDS now) and his partner in shame Rhythm X (Probably still in rehab) I have been inspired to write my own imaginary song of how I treat celebrity women.

Secret Fantasies 2

Intro- We all have secret fantasies, some are real nastaaay, some illegal. But you know what? I'm real proud a mine.

'Crusin through compton in my six-four'
'See Paris Hilton, that porno whore'
'Strolled up to my ride, my crotch gets bigger'
'Says "Dirty try me out come and bust my figure"

'I reach down sly and grab her purse'
'Slapped her skinny ass, coulda been much worse'
'I'm laughing hard now too hard to curse'
Say "if you ride the dirty, you'll roll away in a hearse"

'Drive to a nearby spot and what do i see,'
'That Jessica Simpson ho who'll get divorced for me'
'She quickly runs on over soon as I get near'
'And wispers in my ear "Lets get a beer"

'I like that style so I hold off the gatt'
'looks at my g-string sees its getting phatt'
'She wispers really quiet "lets go to my place"
'I'll get away with murder if she don't have mace'

'Left her in a vat of lime but had a good time'
'Headed for a naughty party with my pal Busta-rhyme'
'Once at the party Michael Jackson hit the crack'
'Broke his nose later on blowing Bubbles out the back'

'Strolled up to Cameron Diaz all dressed in mink'
'She winks at Rhythm Dirty and begins to think'
"Is it wrong to have the Dirty come visit the pink?"
'And while she wasn't looking, slipped something in her drink'

'Now sitting at her condo feeling bored as hell'
'Tryin real hard to block that new corpse smell'
'See a rock pipe in the corner and i take a hit'
'And now it's time for that nasty freaky necro shit'

Outro- So there you have it. I'm real proud of my secret fantasies- but whats this! A cat has just delivered an early edition from tomorrow to my doorstep!! Magic! Oh and look......it seems that my stories ARE ALL TRUE!!!

Thought for the day: If people werent meant to copulate with sheep, then why do farmers call the bits of wool and crap near their ass a shag? Think about it. I have. A bit too hard perhaps. Nurse, MEDICATION STAT!!!

Dirty Beast signing off

What have i been up to you may ask? Well im glad you asked! Too much boozing, too much spending, too much buying crap, too much talking obscenity, too little womanising, too much liasing with wrong types of said women, too juch sleep, and too little thinking.

Naturally I have been  up to numerous acts of evil and shame. Bringing general humilation on myself and anyone who dares associate with me. Modern day Judas' I say!!

Oh and on a side note, no one told me it was daylight saving the other day, so i opened up an hour and 5 minutes late. The poor girl had sat there for that time waiting for me. I told her to keep it on the downlow hahahahaha!! So far she has, so need to get her sacked.

Why does no-one want to chat at 4 on a week morning?

Been invited to the beach and parties, but moral and ethical dilemma's ensue. That and I dont wish to be judged!

When will my Guns and Roses cd 2 be returned to me from theives?

Till then I shall continue my journey into the very depths of depravity and chauvenism! (i think i just invented that word too)

Dirty